A Wookie, a Crazy Person, and BF

So nigh on a month and a half has passed since my last update and again, I apologize for that, but there truly has been nothing new to report.

...that is until last Wednesday when I received an email on my phone talking about some people in Georgia finding a supposed bf carcass in the woods. Now as you can imagine, I was pretty excited about this.

The email I got was from the creator and administrator of the MABRC...and they seemed ready to jump on this bandwagon...telling us that we had permission to talk to television reporters (awesome) about any bf info we had...and that a press conference would be held on friday with dna results being released

now the first thing i did was look at the pictures...at first it looked like Chewbacca in an ice chest...which immediately made me doubt everything because Chewbacca, though an awesome character in Star Wars and one of my personal heroes, should have no genetic link to bf...either that or George Lucas was dead on with his portrayal of otherworldly bf's...(Lucas's next movie is titled "The Chewie and BF Wars" released straight to dvd and ends with a giant space battle)

so i am rather unimpressed by the pictures...here are the main reasons why:

1.)The bf looked waaaaaay to much like a costume filled with sand

2.) The pictures were blurry...like overly blurry for an age where a 10mp digital camera can be picked up at Dollar General for less than a pack of gum

3.) There were no beer cans in any of the pictures...or cigarette butts...or mullets. Everyone knows that a legitimate bf sighting must have at least one, if not all.

4.) Bf is not real.

5.) Seriously...not real.

So in the days that followed the email, i was bombarded with emails from friends who happen to know the fascination i have with bf and bf people...all of them equally excited to see what was going to happen and how i would react...(it was almost time to use the safe word "Mulletude" that is only to be used if i get in too deep)...i had to say, "Yes, I have seen that.", "I am waiting on the dna results.", and "Mom, let me go back to sleep...it's 3:00 a.m."

i emailed the bfg i work with to see if he had looked at the pictures yet and his response was this "Yes, if its real its going to change the world. I really think its some kind of hoax, just the way they have hyped it up, etc. The picture looks real familiar to me from the past. But I hope its real. This could be world shaking."

now, allow me an aside for just a moment...

Examples of World Shaking Events:

Curing Cancer with a pill

An AIDS vaccine

Solving World Hunger

Transformers 2 (Megan Fox...awesome)

Examples of Events That Will Not Shake the World:

An Aerosmith farewell tour

Me Tying My Shoes

Bigfoot being discovered

The biggest thing about bf being discovered would be the fact that i would need a roll of paper towels to wipe the egg off my face...other than that...pretty much like the world had discovered a new species of butterfly they thought was extinct...

back to the story,
i was pretty pleased with his reaction...he came by my desk and we bs'd a bit about the pics and a few other things...he had a general overall optimism about the whole situation...he wanted to believe so badly that it was real...that bf would crap a cure for cancer when they catch a live one...and i saw that longing in his eyes and his smile while he was talking...and i HAD TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE!...it took all my concentration not to start laughing...i am still trying to recover from it...

so i was scheduled to be off work on the friday that the press conference was to be held about the bf dna samples...so i kept checking my phone for updates on the bf situation...and i kept receiving texts from friends wanting an update...and i had to keep telling them that the results would not be released till later...and i got frustrated...

so that evening...i googled bf dna results...and a hit came back from the discovery channel...so i read it...and i sighed...the bf was fake...the two samples that were received were human and opossum...the guys making the claim were just trying to get publicity for their website...so the rednecks had not failed me...they must have hidden their mullets with hats...held their Kool's behind their backs...and concealed their beer cans with a well placed boot...my faith had not been shaken...(it might have been gently vibrated though)...

when i got back to work on monday, i emailed the bfg to see if anything else had come out about the body...and his response was "Nothing yet. Sure seems to be a hoax. This should finish Biscardi for sure. His credibility is shot now."

i wonder what requirements must be met to be held as a credible source for crazy people...

i'm sure the interview would go something like this:

Crazy person (cp): "Are you an orange?"

Source (s): "Only if I concentrate hard enough."

cp: "Do you want to kill me?"

s: "I'll only kill aliens from Alpha Centauri who hold the Gem of Power. You are clearly from one of the lesser moons of Jupiter and, therefore no threat to me."

cp: "asdfasdkljtamdncval;dfha;slkdftnal;skdtjsdfio;jaskldnfma;tl/kasdu;djf"

s: "Yes."


so in conclusion...the world is still full of crazy people willing to believe anything...and there is always someone who is selling them something...btw i have a bridge in brooklyn that is looking for a new owner...